Have you ever watched a terrier clamp down on its owner's stick? Fighting with all its might against giving up its prey—even wriggling in the air? Or a boxer dog? Haven't you ever smiled at its owner, who comes second in this game with his unyielding four-legged friend?
I am talking here about the fascination of total focus – tunnel vision – often desirable, but difficult to achieve. When grabbing, the dog's will, determination, and hunting passion merge with the stick – as if it were the most desirable thing in the world. Of course, this extreme identification between human and task is often too much to ask. Some call this state "flow." The problem: what if you've set your sights on something that isn't worth fighting for? For example, an obsession with details that are no longer important or even hindering the end result. Or clinging to a product even though it should have been retired long ago? Or a negative feeling toward a person who has caused you pain?
Let's travel about ten thousand kilometers further. To Africa. More precisely, to the Kalahari. The baboon that lives there is a curious creature. People in Africa take advantage of this to catch the monkeys so that they can lead them to water sources in the desert that are essential for survival. To this end, the hunter drills a hole in an abandoned termite mound and places bait inside: melon seeds. Fueled by curiosity, the primate forgets all caution, approaches the hole, and sticks its hand in. It grabs the bait. However, its clenched fist no longer fits through the opening. It screams and struggles. The monkey does not let go of its prey even when the hunter puts a noose around its neck. Once the baboon has fallen into the trap, it is fed salt. This makes the monkey very thirsty. As soon as he is free again, he runs without hesitation to his secret watering hole. This is how the hunter gets his thirst quencher.
For the dog, grabbing ends in a popular hunting game. For the baboon, it ends in the unwanted sharing of his resources. He is put on display. But why don't the monkey and the dog let go? The answer: because they have mentally clung on. They are now fixated on only one thing. They have become slaves to their narrow-mindedness. This makes their actions easily predictable. The path to freedom, letting go of their mental extremism, does not even occur to them. It is not only animals that get carried away. We humans do the same all over the world, depending on our state of consciousness. Perhaps with the exception of a few Shaolin monks and other wise men. You don't believe that?
Let us consider ourselves and our fellow human beings, and observe how quickly we become mentally obsessed. It is easier to look at others than at ourselves. We ridicule the overly ambitious person who becomes a slave to their fixation on success and mentally abuses themselves and others. None of us are immune to this. Everyone carries at least a seed of mental extremism within them. Depending on our conditioning and experiences, certain patterns emerge. We too easily become slaves to our perfectionism, our idealism, our greed for good feelings, or we become serfs to the avoidance of bad feelings. Or we wantto be "right"and stay that way. And to do so, we sometimes put others in the wrong. We want to look good in front of others and are happy to throw others under the bus to do so. We differentiate poorly between right, wrong, good, and evil. Of course, our view of things is the"right"one because it is ours. If we are always punctual ourselves, we suspect someone who is notoriously unpunctual of eating small children for breakfast.
Caught in this way, we are at the mercy of our feelings. We are unconsciously guided by mechanisms that control us. At the beginning, we are at least the dog. And if things go really badly, we end up as the monkey. All we really need to do is release the seeds and sticks, and we could be free. Instead, we become mental extremists who can hardly free ourselves. This is especially true in the case of heated relationship disputes. Try it out and film yourself doing it. Afterwards, you will claim: That wasn't me. It was someone dressed up like me. Why is that? On the one hand, letting go is very difficult, and it is a recurring challenge. On the other hand, our blind spots cloud our view of our own extremism.
This applies to all feelings, both negative and positive. The same is true of our thinking when it becomes selective. Whenever emotions or thoughts become extreme, we become like baboons in front of a termite mound. Suppose you are lied to. How do you react? Hurt? Suspicious? Permanently? Do you now generally see the other person as a liar? But what about when you lie yourself? Do you judge them in the same sweeping manner, or do you have a justification or excuse ready? A white lie, because you don't want to hurt the other person? It seems difficult to maintain sufficient distance in our personal experiences. Depending on how affected we feel, we apply double standards. Machine gun fire in Aleppo has a different effect than in Paris. This can turn us into extremists in our perceptions.
Sometimes we have to oscillate between extremes. Think of the idealist who believes unwaveringly in others. He has usually had two experiences: First, he trusts too much. This inevitably leads to disappointment. An experience that can turn his original trust into too little trust, into general mistrust. Only when he forgives others—again and again—does he arrive at wise, conscious trust. At the golden mean. Forgiveness is letting go. Letting go of hurt, judgment, envy, greed, and any superficial pigeonholing that is supposed to simplify the world for us. Without regularly forgiving ourselves and others, we poison our souls and distort our perceptions. If we remain stuck in extremism, we quickly become victims of those who recognize our situation. Then we are susceptible to manipulation. This can go as far as suicide in the name of God. Like the monkey that is lured with salt to its secret watering hole. When I let go, I become my own master again. Then feelings become a powerful tool for shaping my development. Master instead of slave. That's what matters.
This transformation is only possible if I recognize that there is too much or too little in a certain area. Speaking of which: where do you tend toward extremism? Which stick, which melon seed blinds you to the point of blindness? Do you hold on to a past injury, your anger? Are you one of those helicopter parents who, with good intentions, transfer their own fears onto their children and thus restrict them? Or are you a leader who wants to be omnipresent and"in control" ofeverything, to the point of compulsive control? The easiest way to find out is to ask others. Sure, that takes courage. Nevertheless, find several people who can answer honestly. Don't accept everything. Even "Feedback" should be carefully considered.
My own life would be unthinkable for me without constantly letting go. While others can quickly get into their cars or climb stairs at a brisk pace, this is very difficult for me. When I start to lose myself by comparing myself to others, I run the risk of getting caught up in mental extremism. I have to practice letting go again and again. Perhaps you also know someone with a disability who is unable to do this and is trapped in self-pity. This is a great danger. Only by staying true to myself as often as possible am I able to master my life in a self-determined way. And that means freedom. There is nothing more beautiful.
Only when you recognize your own extremism in your thoughts or feelings can you dissolve it. You become aware of why you act the way you do. At this stage, you can acknowledge the feeling and let it go. You consciously choose the golden mean and no longer allow yourself to be guided by extremes. This is where you gain a clear and detached view of yourself and ultimately of others. This moment is called "presence." Or call it mindfulness or alertness. I am present when neither the past nor the present obstructs my view of what is here now. Then you are largely free of judgments. Of course, we cannot always be like this. Judgmental thoughts catch up with us every day, every hour, every moment. In such moments, it is helpful to become aware of the judgment and take a clearer look at the situation. Instead of"good"or"bad,""right"or"wrong," simply let "interesting" take its place. This brings you back to the present and makes it easier to let go.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you how helpful an unobstructed view is for making better decisions and thus achieving better results. So let go of your mental extremism where it is simply foolish and use it where it makes sense. Embrace the diversity that you can experience in the present moment. And then take the most powerful perspective that you can recognize. That way, you and others will become the best you can be.
