Everybody's darling is everybody's Depp – that's what Franz-Josef Strauß, a man who was both loved and hated, used to say. Hardly any other German politician polarized opinion as much as the CSU veteran from Bavaria.
Who doesn't want to be popular?
Looking back on my life, I was often a fool. I wanted everyone to like me. Yes, I wanted to be popular everywhere. I often succeeded in this. Thanks to my friendly nature and high level of empathy, I was able to quickly win people over—sometimes even inspire them. But wanting to be popular took an enormous amount of energy. It's obvious: if you want to please everyone, you have to make a lot of sacrifices yourself. So I regularly put my own needs on the back burner. To such an extent that sometimes I no longer knew what I actually wanted. It got to the point where I asked myself, "Who am I, really?"
We create each other!
There is a theory that people create each other. I find this idea incredibly exciting. What do you think when you read the sentence, "We create each other"? Can you imagine what that means? I keep coming back to this theory. Even though I understand it better and better, I have not yet fully grasped its essence. To explain how I currently understand this statement, here is an example from my personal life: In my last job, I was always the friendly, nice, and courteous guy at the beginning—the "networker" who seemed to know everyone, had many friends, and always went through life with a smile on his face.
At that time, it was important to me to get along well with everyone and always be enthusiastic. I wanted to share this enthusiasm and had the naive idea in the company that "we are a family." At the same time, I was convinced that everyone else thought and felt the same way I did.
Would you like responsibility or be popular?
On the other hand, I also wanted to prove myself, advance my career, and responsibility . Thanks to my commitment and willingness to take on projects independently, the management quickly became interested in what I was doing. It wasn't long before I became the managing director's personal assistant.
The first challenge in this position was not long in coming. I was in a dilemma: as the boss's right-hand man, I was supposed to represent his decisions. In doing so, I risked no longer being popular with the employees. My actions, work, and statements were closely observed—on the one hand by management, and on the other by my colleagues. Who were no longer "colleagues" at all. I had to ask myself the question: "Where do I stand?"
Developing people also means being uncomfortable
It didn't get any easier. In the next step, I became training manager and established and developed the training program within the company. Now I was responsible for young, eager-to-learn people who saw me as a role model. And—you know what's coming next—there were more and more situations in which I had to be uncomfortable in order to pass on my knowledge to the next generation and act in the best interests of the company. Oh dear! But I wanted to be popular and liked. Especially by these young people with whom I wanted to share my enthusiasm. But as a trainer, I had to make sure that these people understood what it means responsibility take responsibility .
Even more responsibility!
Due to my willingness responsibility more and more responsibility , I was given additional "positions." I became the data protection and security officer. I hired staff and had to give people notice. You can see where this is going: the more responsibility took on, the less popular I became—and, interestingly, the less I wanted to be.
Since I took over management of sales at the Grundl Leadership Institute and began to focus intensively on "distinctions," this differentiation has helped me enormously to concentrate more on my needs. Now I am responsibility able to recognize and fulfill the appropriate level of responsibility . This helps me understand that I don't always have to be liked. My job is to ensure that the people around me develop, responsibility more responsibility , and make this visible through results.
That's not possible if I want to please everyone. Instead of being everyone's fool, I now see myself as a more consistent, responsible person. Someone who knows that they sometimes have to be uncomfortable when people are afraid of the next leap, the next stage of development. Seeing how these people then develop makes us aware of how important this distinction is for me, my work, and my environment.
People influence others
Now you may understand the statement above better. "We create each other." People influence others and vice versa. Our actions inspire, frustrate, or stagnate others—and others, in turn, inspire these feelings in us. What a realization! How is it for you? Do you want to be popular, or do you want to responsibility and make that visible through results?
I hope this distinction and my experience with it have helped you to better understand yourself and recognize where you stand in this context. I would be delighted to hear your thoughts on this article.
Yours, Jochen Hummel
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