- Leadership cannot be learned.
- Blondes can't drive.
- Foreigners are criminals.
- Computer scientists are introverted.
- Americans are superficial.
- Today's youth have no manners anymore.
What do these statements have in common? They are all more or less common prejudices. In today's blog post, we would like to show you why prejudices are important and how they can be dealt with effectively.
We all need prejudices or distinctions to cope with the growing complexity of our environment. Distinctions are mental pigeonholes into which we sort information. The more expertise we have on a subject, the more distinctions we have. You can think of it like this: suppose you have socks, several pairs of pants, and a few shirts to go with them. But your closet only has one drawer. You can't organize anything because you have to put everything in the same drawer. When you're in a hurry in the morning and just need socks, you still have to open the big drawer and search for the socks among the shirts and pants. Quite a mess, isn't it?
Order in your mental wardrobe
The solution would be to install two additional drawers. That way, you can clearly distinguish between where socks, pants, and shirts go. This gives us three categories that make our lives easier when it comes to clothing. I can now sort all the clothes I add to my wardrobe using my three drawers. Are they more like socks or more like pants? Let's imagine you now want to store your sweaters neatly in the closet. You need another way to sort them, otherwise chaos will ensue again.
We are constantly preoccupied with our mental filing cabinets. Our minds are designed to continuously evaluate and either classify new things into existing experiences (one of the three existing drawers) or create new drawers (for example, for the sweater). Whenever we can't really assign something to a drawer, it makes our mind restless. It keeps trying until things are back to normal. You're probably familiar with both states. Which one do you find more comfortable?
We all know that first impressions count.
We humans often pigeonhole people based on minor details and perhaps only half-consciously. We lock them away and, figuratively speaking, throw away the key. Only when we experience the person in a different context or have an extraordinary conversation with them do we retrieve the key. We unlock the pigeonhole and are surprised to discover that "they are not at all what we initially thought." And just like that, a new distinction has been made. This categorization is only human. The question is, do you want to be treated this way?
Precisely because we humans are true interpretation machines that are constantly evaluating, we often find it difficult to reach others in leadership. Because only those who feel understood really listen. The mortal enemy of "feeling understood" is the feeling of being judged. For this simple reason, we first explain the topic of distinctions in every leadership training course and start with what we consider to be the most important distinction in leadership: understanding without agreeing.
The trends are clear: leader , and those being led want to be understood.
It's about understanding your counterpart – you don't have to agree with them! What matters is not what someone says, but where they are coming from. The dilemma is that most people only want to understand when they fundamentally agree. If you understand without necessarily having to agree, you will develop a wonderful attitude that those around you will appreciate. Suddenly, you will have the master key to your own cabinet when it comes to leadership and communication. You will become the architect of your own perception.
Those who understand are more likely to think about when which tool or change makes sense and when it does not. Those who understand can think through their own mental pigeonholes and consciously decide which ones they want to keep because they are useful to them and which ones they don't. You get rid of the banal distinction between "good" and "evil" and leave behind pure black-and-white thinking. You get a sense of security in your thinking with black and white. However, real development is only possible in shades of gray!
Understanding without agreeing
However, the biggest pitfall that we see many people falling into when dealing with distinctions or mental pigeonholing is the following: for them, prejudices and pigeonholing are themselves pigeonholed—namely, in a negative way. This comes from the much-demanded, socially desirable "non-judgment." The problem is that "not judging" alone does not lead to freer thinking, but inevitably leads to other distinctions being formed that are not helpful.
A more effective approach is to understand without agreeing. People who demonize distinctions and stereotypical thinking across the board do so for understandable reasons. But at the same time, they deprive themselves of an immense impact. By now, you know for yourself: if you have many high-quality distinctions, you can classify all new events, people, conflicts, and changes much faster than others. And thus make better decisions much faster. The trick, or rather the art, is to use these labels consciously and have the courage to leave them open. It helps if you practice "understanding without agreeing" every day.
We are happy to help you with this in our management training courses. Or you can read Boris Grundl's new book, "Understanding does not mean agreeing." It offers you a selection of high-quality distinctions that will immediately take your perception to the next level. If you want it to.
That's why you're not really happy. Why success and fulfillment have nothing to do with each other.
Image source: ©pixabay – bs-matsunaga
