Does this statement sound familiar to you: "I could have told you that right away"? How often does it happen that during television discussions, family celebrations, or company meetings, "perceived" experts sit together and fight each other with all their might? Is this about exchange and mutual inspiration (i.e., learning from each other) or about self-affirmation? I have seen for myself how, when casting talk shows, care is taken in advance to ensure that as many different, combative opinion leaders as possible are in the room. Every host is happy when things get heated, because that boosts ratings.
As understandable as this is, it is also clear that many people are less concerned with the issue itself and more with not only being right, but also with getting the other side to agree with them. And thereby feeling even more justified. It's more about turf wars between top dogs than about the issue itself. I would argue that, week after week, millions are wasted in this way due to unprofessional communication. What an economic loss!
In the end, it is often the judge who decides
What do you think? How is it that in a 2014 survey conducted by the Nuremberg-based market research company GfK, one in three of the more than 1,000 respondents said they had had a dispute with their neighbors at some point? In Hamburg, it was even one in two. The issues involved include leaf blowers, uncleaned stairways, garden gnomes, pet odors, children's noise, and the like. It is not uncommon for these conflicts to end up in court. As we know, the aim in court is always to prove that you are right, or rather to have the judge officially confirm that one party is right. Of course, there are cases that need to be settled in court, but most conflicts could be resolved quickly and easily with a little common sense.
Think of the war of the roses in divorces or partnership disputes: how often is "wanting to be right" the number one motive? Is there a better example of excessive escalation? Once upon a time, they loved each other or believed they loved each other—and now they are fighting tooth and nail. They want to get back at the other person for the hurt they feel, using any means necessary. In the worst cases, they try to exert power over the children, harming them in the process. responsibility trace of responsibility !
Confirmation as a substitute for recognition
Whether in meetings, talk shows, or neighborhood disputes, the obsession with validation knows no bounds. Because it happens so often, we consider it normal. I don't find it normal at all and call out this narrow-mindedness wherever I can. I understand why people are like this, but I don't agree with it at all. Behind it lies nothing more than the need for confirmation of one's position as a paltry substitute for recognition of the person.
If I'm right, I'm right! Both words come from the same root! When we "want to be right," it touches on deep inner views of the world that are reflected in how my counterpart thinks, feels, and acts. These are deep inner ideas that are strongly linked to emotions. We are then not interested in what we might be able to learn from the other person. We don't ask, "What makes the most sense right now?" We are interested in what is better about our view of things.
Self-affirmation beats the desire to learn
Please be smarter and more persistent from now on. "The smarter person gives in," as the saying goes. And I would add: "The smarter person gives in now." Because his more deeply thought-out ideas are guaranteed to prevail over time. Allow me to conclude with a question: Which mental faction do you belong to?
Yours, Boris Grundl
Looking for more inspiration?
Take a look at Facebook, Instagram, or the video blog "Grundl's Reasons." Here, Boris Grundl examines current topics from different perspectives. Always with the question: "What can I take away from this topic for myself and my life?" In the video "Human Rights Day," for example, he talks about the distinction between "equality vs. equal dignity":
The UN Charter of Human Rights states that all people have the same fundamental rights and are equal in dignity. It is important to realize that although the equal dignity of all people is undisputed, they are not automatically equal in rights due to differences in abilities. A false view of abilities can lead people to see themselves as more valuable in their abilities than they actually are—and to demand additional recognition for this. Accordingly, it is necessary to help yourself and others to feel valued through results and not to fall prey to an illusion. Recognize the equal dignity of all and be aware of when you are not receiving or giving #equality based on competence. Only then will you become the best you can be.
That's why you're not really happy.
Why success and fulfillment have nothing to do with each other.
Image source: ©MichaelGaida Pixabay
