In times of constant digital communication and increased workloads, new stimuli are constantly lurking everywhere, demanding our attention. It has become the norm rather than the exception for us to be only half present: physically there, but mentally somewhere else.
- Why is this a problem?
- And what do you gain when you consciously invest in maintaining your mental presence?
While eating with colleagues, we quickly check our emails. We then mentally go through the agenda for the next meeting. On the way to work, we make phone calls... Our brain specializes in repeatedly bringing open issues or unfinished tasks to our attention. So that we don't forget them. Regardless of whether these mental excursions are appropriate at the moment. Our brain's good intentions mean that our attention is not entirely in the present moment. At least part of our mind is in the future or the past. These inner journeys through time become a problem, especially in conversations.
Why presence is important
If we are not fully present mentally, we fail to notice important signals from our counterpart. We tend to make hasty judgments and react more easily with stress. Our brain is not designed to deal with different topics at the same time. If our counterpart notices our lack of presence, they may interpret it as a sign of disrespect.
The result: they are less emotionally receptive, and we find it more difficult to get our message across and achieve our goals. Conversely, if our conversation partner is not present, they will be more inclined to judge and (mis)interpret. This can lead to misunderstandings and make communication unnecessarily difficult.
Improve your presence with yourself
Our digitized everyday lives make it easy for us to be mentally distracted. If you want to communicate successfully, you have no choice but to consciously work on your mental presence. If you succeed in improving your presence, communication will become more successful and effortless. What options do you have for training your presence?
- Mindfulness
Take time regularly in your everyday life to do an activity with complete concentration: for example, when eating, consciously pay attention to the taste, smell, and consistency of the food. When walking, concentrate for a few steps only on the ground beneath your feet. Or pause for a moment and use all your senses to perceive where you are: What can you hear? Are there any smells? Who is speaking and how (modulation, tempo, etc.)? These are just a few examples of short exercises that are easy to integrate into your everyday life. This allows you to train your ability to concentrate in a simple but effective way. - Internal check
During a conversation, ask yourself every now and then how present you are and give yourself a score from 1 (barely present) to 10 (fully present). This quick internal check will help you to better assess your presence. At the same time, it will improve as you have directed your awareness.
If you find that you can't control distracting thoughts, write them down. This signals to your brain: I am dealing with these issues. I can't forget them. You have written them down and will come back to them. This way, your mind is calm and free again for what is important in the here and now.- Addressing the issue
Sometimes the direct approach is best: consciously address the issue if your mind has wandered and you have not been giving your conversation partner the necessary attention: "Excuse me, I just got distracted by another thought." Your conversation partner should understand that your absence has nothing to do with a lack of appreciation.
Basically, you come across as more present when you ask questions and paraphrase what your conversation partner has said. This active listening automatically increases your own attention and creates the basis for truly understanding your counterpart. This, in turn, is a prerequisite for any successful communication.
You can read about how to influence the presence of your conversation partner shortly in the second part on this topic here in the blog.
Your team at the Grundl Leadership Institute
