To what extent does"saying yes to yourself"boost leadership effectiveness? To begin with, I would like to give you a brief insight into a coaching session with an entrepreneur:
Entrepreneurs: I have noticed that some leader listen to me properly and constantly digress during presentations, their minds wandering elsewhere.
Coach: What specifically makes you notice this, or in what situations?
Entrepreneur: This is actually independent of the situation and almost always occurs during presentations.
Coach: Do you give yourself full permission to speak to your managers about topic XY? Rate yourself on a scale of 0-10. Zero means no permission at all, and ten means you give yourself full permission.
Entrepreneur: Hmm, maybe a 5 at most on the scale.
Coach: Why do you rate yourself as a 5 on the scale, and what would help you get from a 5 to an 8?
Entrepreneur: I think it's because I don't have the same level of expertise in this subject area as some of the audience. ... Let me think ... from 5 to 8. One possible option could be: I'll just do the introduction and then hand over to a colleague who has the technical expertise ...
thought experiment
Let's stop the conversation here and delve deeper into the topic.
As a coach, I often encounter situations like this. It never ceases to amaze me how many successful leader people feel inhibited and face obstacles when it comes to"justifying themselves."However, since this topic is one of the most important performance indicators in leadership and communication, I would like to examine it more closely.
If you like, you are welcome to take part in the following thought experiment. On a scale of 0-10, how much authority do you currently give yourself to lead and develop your employees and other people? Or to lead and develop yourself? Or to raise your children? Do you see yourself as leader? As a mother or father? Do you allow yourself to fulfill this role?
If the number is low in a given context, then your task in this area is certainly very challenging at the moment! How do I know this? No, I'm not a clairvoyant! But there is a clear correlation, i.e., a connection between the respective authority (depending on the context) and the actual results as leader as a person. Authority is directly related to your impact and results. An example: You are standing in front of a group and leading a workshop or meeting. If you don't give yourself the authority to say something to the people sitting in front of you on a specific topic, then the participants will most likely be distracted, reading emails, etc. In this example, (self-)authority is therefore the basic prerequisite for the workshop or meeting to be effective and for the participants to stay "on track."
How can other people leader you legitimacy as leader if you don't even give it to yourself?
When I confront leader this statement, I almost always receive agreement. But as soon as I dig deeper and want to know HOW they can achieve their goal, I usually get nothing more than a shrug.
Since the topic of empowerment is very complex, it cannot be reduced to a single discipline or methodology. Rather, it consists of a bouquet of disciplines and methods and is closely linked to the area of self-acceptance.
"Accepting yourself" is the main lever.
Accepting myself as I am – that's the Champions League of self-management! I accept myself as leader as a person when I am there for myself and see reality as it currently is, not as I would like it to be. Furthermore, people who accept themselves accept their problems, emotions, and thoughts – both positive and negative. Acceptance is the opposite of denial and fighting against something. I accept myself as I am; that is pure self-affirmation and an active process.
Of course, "negative" aspects such as fears, worries, doubts, anger, and aggression are difficult to accept. But they are also part of us and want to be accepted. What is surprising is that many people find it particularly difficult to accept the positive side, even though it seems to be the lesser hurdle at first glance.
"The greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we deny and reject our weaknesses, but that we deny and reject our greatness—because it frightens us."
(Nathaniel Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, p. 126).
Excessive demands
When it comes to self-acceptance, our own expectations often stand in our way. The demands we place on ourselves are often extremely high and sometimes exceed what is feasible. However, this leads to you rejecting yourself and feeling inferior because you can never fully meet these demands.
People who accept themselves as they are, on the other hand, are often heard to say: "I like myself the way I am. I know I have my problems, but that's precisely why I accept myself as I am."This is always powerful in leadership and communication!
That's why you're not really happy.
Why success and fulfillment have nothing to do with each other.
