What do you associate with self-assertion? What ideas do you have on this topic? Please write down two or three keywords on this topic.
Now I want to give you another perspective: Self-assertion is not about sitting on top of the monkey mountain like a gorilla, puffing yourself up and pounding your chest with your fists in order to intimidate others or insist on your rights. Self-assertion also has nothing to do with self-defense, as it is often used synonymously. Nor does it have anything to do with"asserting yourself."When you assert yourself, there is usually someone who loses out. So what is it then?
Inner strength
It's about standing up for yourself; about your own inner strength. Living authentically, letting my innermost convictions and feelings guide me in what I say and do. Taking my own desires, needs, and values into account.
Asking questions is an expression of self-assertion. Thinking for yourself and standing up for what you think—that is the root of self-assertion.
Appropriate self-assertion requires the conviction that my ideas and desires are important. That is where the root of the problem lies, because it is precisely this conviction that we often lack. Where does this come from? In our youth, we were told that what we think, feel, or desire is not important. We were taught that what we want is not important; what others want is important. When we did manage to stand up for ourselves, we were accused of being selfish. That was enough intimidation to make us give in again.
Do you have any idea how quickly people manage to question the wishes and needs of others? To undermine their perceived self-assertion and make them feel so insecure that they themselves believe that their wishes and needs are probably too selfish and unrealistic after all?
A practical example
Let me tell you a story. During a conversation at a family celebration, I witnessed the following. A young man, the son of a lawyer, announced that evening that he wanted to emigrate to Australia in the near future to open a surfing school there. Suddenly, there was complete silence at the table. Everyone looked at each other. His father was skilled at immediately changing the subject. His statement was quickly forgotten and everyone went back to their usual conversations. As I was interested in his plans, I wanted to know more about them. After talking to him, I understood his motives and thought it was a great idea. Some time later, I met the young man again and was surprised to see him wearing a suit. When I asked him how his surf school project was going, I thought I was looking at a different person. The words he spoke were not his own, but his father's."Oh, it was just a whim,"and "after all, my father paid a lot of money for my education. A man's first duty is to build something stable, to create financial security so that he will one day be able to support a family." I saw sadness in his eyes.
Puppet or self-assertive person
The opposite of self-assertion is putting your own desires, needs, or values on the back burner. Agreeing and saying yes even though you don't want to, so as not to hurt or disappoint others. Representing the opinions of others in order to look good or please others. By doing so, you give others the green light to use you as a puppet. You relinquish your power to others.
Appropriate self-assertion requires us to jump into the arena and be prepared to fight for our needs and desires. It takes courage to implement what we want and to fight for it.
You decide which path to take: avoid life's challenges, give things up, sacrifice yourself and ultimately betray yourself, or face the challenges, take responsibility for yourself and stand up for your needs and desires?
