"Would you please give me my car keys?" – "The ones for the gray car outside? Sure! Hereyou go!" The receptionist hands the guest the keys with a friendly smile. He grabs them and leaves the hotel without another word, visibly upset. What went wrong in this situation?
When I experienced this incident, it became clear to me once again how crucial it is to understand other people. This hotel employee was completely unaware of the faux pas she was committing by not paying attention to her guest's needs. She had failed to grasp the significance of the expensive luxury car to the man. She talked about his sports car without enthusiasm—as if it were just a normal everyday object.
When we know what is truly important to ourselves and others, we can act successfully and make optimal decisions. Our principles and values largely determine how we think, feel, and act, and thus what results we achieve. While principles define the terrain in which we want to move, values show us the way and thus form a "map" that we use to guide ourselves and find the path to our goal. We determine our own principles (e.g., "I don't eat meat!"). Practically anything can be a value for someone, both abstract (e.g., honor, respect, freedom, etc.) and concrete (family, sports, car, etc.). Values are communicated and can change; their priority also depends on current circumstances (e.g., when you are sick or in love).
Our own values and those of others are fundamentally important to us and to our coexistence with other people. That is why we should take care to recognize and understand them as well as possible. Values are also relevant in areas where one would not expect them to be. The following list is not exhaustive, but it shows how crucial values are to our lives:
Our behavior is strongly influenced by values, as the above incident shows. Only when we know the values of others can we respond to them and show consideration. When values are judged, this often leads to conflict. It is therefore sensible to show understanding for the values of others, even if they contradict our own ideas. It is wise to respect the values of others, because that is what we expect from our fellow human beings.
Our values become apparent in communication, because we often talk about them. On the other hand, we get bored as soon as topics are not important to us. We find conversations with people who have different or even contrary values difficult. But we enjoy talking about shared interests.
Our perception is significantly influenced by our values, as they largely determine how we experience the world. They are an important part of our psychological filters, which play a decisive role in how we consciously and unconsciously interpret what is happening around us.
Meaning and motivation arise largely from the fact that something is important to us. We are most committed when we can fulfill a wish or when we fear that something important to us is at risk. Conversely, we lack motivation when something is classified as irrelevant.
Decisions are strongly influenced by values. If you want to ensure that people react in a desired way, you should not lay down rules, but rather establish values. This also allows you to establish a certain culture, as this is defined by shared principles and values. It is not enough to impose the values of a community (company, family, etc.) from above. They must be accepted and lived by at least a majority of all members as their own values. People follow role models, so it is most effective when we exemplify what is important to us.
Trust is based on integrity. Those who do not live in accordance with their values are considered untrustworthy. We all know what happens when you preach water and drink wine. We should do what we say so that others can rely on us.
Many people have never really thought about what is truly important to them. Even fewer care about what matters most to other people. It is often claimed that it is difficult to identify one's own values and that it is time-consuming and takes a long time to recognize the values of others. However, if you know what to look for, you will notice many values immediately and without effort. In our seminars, we help participants identify their own values as well as those of others and rank them according to their importance.
That's why you're not really happy.
Why success and fulfillment have nothing to do with each other.
