Imagine you have a really big decision to make in your life. You've received a job offer that would be a huge opportunity for you. Your dream job. The catch: you have to move to New York. A great city, no question. But you would have to give up your life as you know it. You would have to start over and give up your life in Germany. Your friends and family would be far away. And the next sticking point: you only have a 50 percent chance of succeeding in New York. You have no guarantee, which makes the decision even more difficult. They always say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. It's up to you. It is precisely this uncertainty that prevents us from making a major decision and putting all our eggs in one basket. How about you? Would you take the plunge or hesitate because you have no guarantee, because you don't know if it will work out?
Only we ourselves can define our goals
After my accident, I was faced with a very similar decision. Cologne had been my chosen place of residence. And that's where I wanted to return after my initial rehabilitation. But moving back into my old apartment was out of the question with a wheelchair. I needed to find a suitable wheelchair-accessible apartment, which was not easy given the housing shortage at the time. On top of that, I was stuck in the clinic near Stuttgart, and I could only delegate the apartment search to a limited extent. My parents tried, but my request gathered dust in a mountain of files at the housing office. I got nowhere on the phone. I asked myself, "What has to happen for me to get an apartment?" I didn't ask myself, "Why can't I get an apartment?" That's a big difference: I didn't question the goal.
Although I was hardly fit to travel at that stage of my rehabilitation, I had no choice but to go to Cologne myself and attend an appointment with the housing agency. What a feat of strength: I made an appointment, had myself driven to Cologne, and rolled up to the housing office clerk. It had been exhausting getting this far, but now things were getting serious. I calmed myself down and became determined, looked the woman deep in the eyes and said: "Thank you for your time and this appointment. Please understand that I will not leave until you can guarantee me an apartment for when I am discharged from the clinic." Pause, silence. She rummaged through her files and nodded to me. Within a week, I received confirmation.
That was my first major victory in negotiations after the accident: I had traveled to Cologne and found myself an apartment. And for the first time, I sensed what would be important in the future and for the rest of my life: relaxed persistence. Acting persistently and decisively while remaining relaxed. For some, these are incompatible opposites, for others, this is precisely the secret of transformation: resolving apparent opposites on a higher mental level of personality. Proximity and distance become detached proximity. The apparent opposition of capital and people becomes a human capitalist. Doubt and certainty become doubtful certainty.
So I wanted to develop an attitude for my path, be prepared to pay the price, and set and pursue goals courageously. Not too many at once, one after the other—even if I didn't know how to achieve them. That was the only way I could grow. However, if I had always wanted to know in advance how I would achieve something, I would have only moved within the confines of my own mind. Where is the end? I have no idea! At some point, I will reach my limit, and until then, I will stretch myself—a simple principle.
Determination is your driving force to achieve results.
Being truly determined is a powerful force. To do this, I have to mentally take possession of a goal—or rather, a result—in advance. And that means thinking backwards from the result. I move mentally toward the result and ask myself, "What happened to make this happen?" And then I simply follow the answer—that is mental appropriation, so that this goal really belongs to me, even if it may have been set for me by others. For me, that is the definition of a vision: keeping an inner image in your mind's eye until it becomes reality.
Today, I realize that as soon as you are deeply determined inside, a path will open up before you. The difficult part is the journey to reaching that point of determination! Because once you have made a real decision, your worries are over. Then your will can take effect. Hopefully where it makes sense! And then the saying applies: where there's a will, there's a way.
Mistakes are part of the process
It is often not easy to figure out what we really want. And then we may also have to figure out what we are meant to do. That is why it is important to stop and reflect from time to time—and not just keep turning the hamster wheel. "That won't work" actually means "That won't work like that." Or: "That won't work yet." Ultimately, what happens is what the Rolling Stones put so eloquently: "You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, well, you might find you get what you need." The phrase "That won't work!" finds excuses. The question "What needs to happen for it to work?" finds ways.
Those who only start when they know it will work want the security of victory without paying the price of defeat. Or they start and have already looked for reasons for possible defeat in advance—meaning they have already failed at the starting line because they are holding back. Defeat is a form of rejection, and that hurts.
Every person who has achieved lasting success has paid the price of rejection at some point, even if they don't like to talk about their failures. So be prepared to pay the price. Invest in failures in order to learn. In the beginning, there will be more failures than victories – later on, there will be more and more victories and fewer and fewer failures. But there will still be failures from time to time, only the level will be much higher. The pain of rejection remains intense. It is a sign that you have given your all. But you will only suffer from it briefly because you will process it more quickly. Ask yourself regularly: What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? Follow the answer consistently and enjoy your growth in the process.
That's why you're not really happy.
Why success and fulfillment have nothing to do with each other.
