How many people do you know who constantly find fault with your ideas? Who always respond with"Yes, but..."? Who always view everything critically? Who insist that everything must be perfect? Who come across as know-it-alls?
And how many people do you know who go through life being gullible? Who uncritically and naively strike out in new directions? Who, despite all the unsettling circumstances, are always carefree and seemingly unconcerned?
In today's blog post, we would like to show you what these two attitudes have to do with you. We would like to invite you to uncover blind spots in yourself and others so that you can communicate and lead more effectively. Where do you see the difference between the first two sections? Which one appealed to you more? Where do you see similarities?
Different perceptions
What is described above are two opposing poles of a language pattern that can be referred to as "matcher/mismatcher." Imagine the following image:
The current situation represents a project that is 80 percent complete. Two men are standing on this line. One is looking toward 0 percent. He sees what is there. The other man is looking toward 100 percent. He sees what is missing. If you ask the first man,"So, how is the project going?", what will he answer? Probably something like,"Everything is going well, we've already completed 80 percent. We're on track!" If you ask the second man, however, you will hear something completely different, namely, "It's a disaster, we still have 20 percent to go!"
Now for the crucial question: which of the two is right?
Where does this behavior come from? The answer lies in the fact that both have different perceptions. The matcher tends to perceive what connects them. That's why they see the 80 percent that is already there. The mismatcher, on the other hand, perceives what separates them. They only see the 20 percent that is missing.
Suppose you board a plane and the flight engineer says, "Have a good flight, the plane is 80 percent ready for takeoff!" Would you get on board? And would you feel that your boss treats you as an equal if he constantly points out every little mistake you make? If he doesn't acknowledge anything you've accomplished?
So there is no such thing as good or bad. The decisive factor is the respective context in which it is more effective to focus on what connects or divides. In practice, unfortunately, awareness of these differences is virtually non-existent. Why do you think sales and production departments in almost every organization dislike each other?
Sales and production – two perspectives
Salespeople see what customers need. And what they need to make customers even happier. You hear things like:"Hey, you guys in production, the customer wants yellow. Make the product in yellow, we'd sell a lot more!" Production, on the other hand, thinks: "How can you be so naive? Yellow? By the time we've replaced the old color, introduced the new color... and what it will all cost! These salespeople are really nothing but hot air..."
This striking dialogue is not necessarily far from reality. The problem in communication does not arise from the differences between matchers and mismatchers, but from the unprofessional way in which these differences are handled. Instead of trying to understand each other, everyone insists on their own point of view—and the conflicts repeat themselves every day.
What do you think would happen if conflicts caused by matchers and mismatchers were resolved in your organization? Would you have more trust? A better working atmosphere? More speed? I am firmly convinced that many things would improve.
Switch contexts in a flash
But this distinction is not only effective in the workplace. Imagine you are a senior engineer and spend all day fixing errors because you are perfecting machines. You come home in the evening and your child proudly shows you their midterm report card—five Bs and one F. Where does your mental energy go immediately?
This example illustrates how dangerous it can be to use these language patterns unconsciously and highlights that, in today's world, the contexts in which one or the other is more effective can change in the blink of an eye. It's not about better or worse, but about being able to do both. This allows you to better decide when to use which approach. In the example with the child, an appropriate response would be something like this: "Great! Five times 'good'! How did you do that? Interesting! And how can you use that to get from a 5 to a 4? Or to get even better? What would help you do that?"
In leadership, matching is what you need most. If you know 80 percent of your employees' strengths and most important values, you can lead and develop them effectively. Mismatching is what you need when it comes to perfecting your product, service, etc. And also to discuss the employee's next individual step with them.
If you reverse this perspective, it leads to mediocrity—for yourself, your employees, and your product. An example of extreme poles would be someone who is completely out of touch with reality and floats through life on cloud nine. In contrast, someone who is extremely determined and hardly able to let go would be a mismatcher.
How do you see yourself?
It is also very interesting to see how we view ourselves. When you reflect in the evening, do you tend to notice what you could have done better? What was still missing? Or can you be proud of your achievements for the day? Does it always have to be 100 percent? How do you view your relationship? Do you tend to see what your partner is still lacking? Or do you appreciate what is already working well?
If you want to develop a matching view of yourself and others, ask yourself: How do I see myself and my fellow human beings when I view them as solutions to the problem rather than as the cause or a tool for it? Another excellent option is to keep a success journal. Every day, write down three things that went well and how you contributed to them. For those of you who are mismatchers: these can be small things, and that's fine.
In order to better reach and retain matchers and mismatchers in communication, possible applications can be derived from the differences. Here are a few examples:
Matcher:
- Emphasize similarities.
- Point out that the new project will proceed in a similar way to a successful project from the past.
- Avoid excessive differences.
- Focus on opportunities and possibilities.
- Don't ask a matcher what they're missing, but what they need more of.
Mismatcher:
- Consciously mention a few disadvantages.
- Mismatchers desire diversity and uniqueness.
- Explain why the new project is different from all previous projects.
- Avoid absolute statements. Instead of "Mismatchers always see only what divides us," you could say "Mismatchers tend to see what dividesus."
- Be aware: the mismatcher does not want to steal your dream, they just want to shed light on the other side of the coin.
Finally, I would like to emphasize once again the most important points in dealing with this distinction:
- There is no better or worse, just different.
- Every person has both sides. The question is, in which context does which side dominate in you?
- The key is to consciously live both sides and use them effectively, both in ourselves and in others.
If you like, certain rules apply in leadership and communication. If you have to play anyway, you should at least know what these rules are. Otherwise, you will be played without even realizing it.
Your team at the Grundl Leadership Institute
Image source: ©Pixabay – freeGraphicToday
