"That was a complete failure."
"You're probably not suited for the job."
"If you do it that way, it's doomed to failure."
...
These and similar statements are excellent examples of how not to deal with feedback. Some readers may think, "As if I didn't already know that!" So please note the following: When we humans are in a good state of resources—that is, rested, focused, resilient—it is naturally easier to show ourselves at our best. But what about situations that are emotionally draining, tense, and stressful? How well can people still adhere to their soberly defined principles in such situations?
The following distinctions should help you if you want to improve the quality of your feedback. Similar to martial arts training, this will enable you to communicate more professionally in "emergency situations" rather than falling back on your standard routine. Of course, it's clear that this won't always work, because we humans are far from perfect...
When you think about feedback, how would you categorize the feedback you have received so far? Pleasant/unpleasant? Personal/objective? Dr. Anke Handrock distinguishes between two dimensions of feedback:
- Positive / Negative
- General / Specific
This results in the following combinations:
| feedback | generally | specifically |
| positive | Confirmation of the person,
promotes self-esteem and relationships |
Confirmation of behavior supports learning through a sense of achievement |
| negative | Criticism of a person,
Threat to self-esteem and relationships |
Criticism of behavior,
supports specific learning |
See Dr. Daniela Blickhan: "Positive Psychology: A Practical Guide"
General and negative Feedback means comprehensive criticism of the person. The devaluation can lead to a threat to self-esteem and the relationship with the person being criticized. Therefore, it is not useful in any context. This type of feedback should be avoided completely. Especially in conflict situations (whether professional or private), many people naturally find this difficult due to the high level of emotion involved. Examples can be found in the introduction to this text.
Specific negative feedback focuses on criticizing behavior. It is particularly effective when it is objective and comprehensible. Instead of saying, "Your presentation wasn't good," saying, "You spoke too fast. I had the feeling that many participants would have liked more pauses," focuses on behavior, which is easier to accept than criticism of the person. Self-esteem remains unaffected as long as the feedback is objective, behavior-related, and comprehensible to the recipient.
General and positive Feedback means acknowledging the other person as an individual. Please be aware that this type of feedback does not directly achieve any specific learning objectives. However, it strengthens the relationship and the self-esteem of the person you are talking to, which means that they will generally be more receptive to your feedback.
Specific positive feedback means that you positively reinforce specific behavior. This supports learning through a sense of achievement. "Mr. Müller, I really appreciated that you took the initiative during yesterday's presentation. This gave the entire meeting a special dynamic that benefited the department." This type of feedback strengthens both the relationship and the self-esteem of the other person.
Take advantage of the smart combination
If you want to develop your employees in a targeted manner, first use a combination of general and specific positive feedback to build rapport (see Dr. Daniela Blickhan). For specific learning points, specific negative feedback is then appropriate, especially in the form of 3-point communication (i.e., you put your feedback on paper and actively refer to it in the conversation, for example, by looking at the third point or pointing to it with your hand). On the other hand, you should completely avoid general negative feedback. It is neither suitable for developing employees nor for building relationships.
Now, reflect on your feedback behavior—what percentage of your time do you spend in each quadrant? What would need to happen for you to let go of negative feedback in general? Which quadrant have you paid the least attention to so far?
That's why you're not really happy.
Why success and fulfillment have nothing to do with each other.
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