"Once you lie, no one believes you."Is this saying true? If so, have you ever lied? Or lied multiple times? Numerous scientific studies confirm that people lie frequently. So can you still be trusted, or are you a liar?
Here, you must answer with a resounding "yes." More precisely, perhaps, that you tell the truth, with a few exceptions. But the fact remains that you are also a liar—not ONLY, but ALSO. And what if someone lies to you about something important? Is that person now ONLY a liar – or ALSO? Would you say: You were a liar just now, but otherwise you are truthful? Or does personal involvement make the other person a general liar? It seems difficult to maintain sufficient distance in personal experience. Machine gun fire in Aleppo has a different effect than in Paris. This can turn us into perception extremists.
Extremism can be productive or destructive
This also applies to extreme trust or mistrust. People who believe unwaveringly in others have usually had two experiences: First, they have uncovered their own potential and trust that the development opportunities of others can and must be activated in the same way. And they have forgiven others for their inevitable disappointments. Again and again. Forgiveness is important, but it is anything but easy. Without regularly forgiving ourselves and others, we poison our souls and distort our perceptions.
But not everyone escapes mental extremism. Every education, every profession, every job description requires a raison d'être. A surgeon wants to operate, a carpenter wants to work with wood, and a therapist wants people on his couch—according to the motto: If you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When the urge for self-affirmation and a lack of self-esteem come together in an influential person, you should take to your heels.
It seems we have to work on tolerance every day
An overly ambitious buyer puts pressure on suppliers until product quality or even the entire supplier goes down the drain. Wheelchair users perceive every step as an attack on their freedom. Think of an equal opportunities officer who assesses harmless male-female situations very differently after being appointed. Or vegans: many forget that everyone should eat as they please. Instead, they demonize everything that does not conform to their doctrine. It seems that we have to work on tolerance every day if we don't want our focus to dominate.
When we lie ourselves, we put selfish needs above the truth and think that's okay. Other people are hardly any different. If we lie, we have to accept that we will be lied to ourselves. That's only fair. People lie, speak the truth, are honest, bend the rules, accuse, forgive, get involved, and take off. They are saints and devils, righteous and deceitful, wise and foolish. Sometimes more, sometimes less. And great personalities have more of one side than the other. That's what we call character building.
It is precisely this character training that counts in leadership.
Once you recognize your own extremism, you can resolve it. Then you learn to defuse the extremism of others. You recognize why someone lies or distorts things. You live a paradox: on the one hand, you understand human weaknesses, but on the other hand, you don't. It's an interesting area of tension. Because at the center of this tension lies a clear and detached view of yourself and others. And I'm sure I don't need to tell you how helpful this view is for achieving better results.
That's why you're not really happy.
Why success and fulfillment have nothing to do with each other.
