Has anyone ever pointed out a quirk that you hadn't noticed before: touching your nose, clearing your throat, saying "huh?"? Or has anyone ever mentioned a talent or strength that you weren't aware of? "You have a knack for...", "You have a pleasant voice!" We come into the world and are dependent on learning from day one. Depending on the situation and learning type, we sometimes learn simply by doing or by imitation. But sometimes we also need feedback from outside. And that brings us to feedback.
What is feedback for?
Unfortunately, feedback has a bad reputation in our culture. Unfairly so. This is because it is often mistakenly lumped together with "criticism." However, feedback and criticism are two completely different things. Criticism tends to be more of a description of a shortcoming. Feedback is general feedback from others to improve self-awareness. When you receive feedback, the person giving it is showing interest in you as a person and in your further development. It would always be easier to say nothing. But by giving feedback, the other person is reaching out to you at that moment to take the next step together. And when you give feedback, you help your counterpart to develop further.
But if all of this is true, why on earth do so many people find it so difficult to accept feedback? Why do we always hear criticism instead of a request or an opportunity? Quite simply, in these moments we are lacking something, namely self-confidence or self-esteem. Sometimes our huge ego gets in the way – "I can't listen? Mrs. Müller should learn to listen first!" Then we lack self-confidence. And sometimes we reject ourselves –"Do I feel like doing sports again? How dare you say that to me! I know myself that I'm too fat!" Then we lack self-esteem.
Feedback is only effective if the recipient can actually accept it, if they agree with what is being said. And precisely because our self-confidence or self-esteem often gets in the way, it is all the more important to give feedback carefully. That doesn't mean you shouldn't speak plainly! On the contrary! But there are a few rules to follow to ensure that the feedback is effective.
How do you give feedback?
Five golden rules:
- Open ear: Wait for the right moment and make sure that the other person is receptive: "May I give you some feedback?"
- Gold instead of stones: Don't comment on everything, but select the points that really help others. Better to focus on one thing than ten, but make it effective.
- Action instead of person: Feedback is always about the action, not the person.
- Make a wish! Describe precisely what you have observed and use this to formulate a suggestion as to how the other person can change their behavior to be more effective.
- Clear view ahead: Ask whether your counterpart has understood your feedback, what his/her insights are, and what he/she would like to change.
If you follow these rules, you give the other person the chance to recognize their actions and consciously decide for or against an alternative.
And how do you accept feedback?
Feedback is a gift. Take your time unwrapping it. When you receive feedback, say "Thank you!" because the other person has taken the time to think about how they can help you develop further. Think about it calmly and decide whether you want to accept the feedback. And when you give the other person feedback, their feedback to you will become more and more precise, and you will give yourself the chance to improve! In the Leading Simple system, we call feedback "redirecting." With the help of "redirecting," the four control buttons of goals, self-confidence, knowledge, and experience can be activated, quickly guiding the other person back to the desired goal in the most direct way.
If youreallywant to delve deeply into the topicof giving effectivefeedback, then use the modules "Praise, Developing Questions Criticism" in our online learning world. You will receive clear step-by-step instructions on how to take your personal integrity to the next level and improve your impact in the long term. If you work through this module consistently, we guarantee you will make a personal breakthrough in this area. (Simply click on the button to receive exclusive video material and practical workbooks.)
