You may remember my last blog post on the topic of "doubtful certainty." Today, I would like to revisit this distinction in a different context—namely, with reference to my professional past. Perhaps my story will help you to see this distinction more clearly and recognize when you are doubtful but still certain.
A look back at a time full of doubts
In 2006, immediately after graduating, I started my own business and, in addition to working in a franchise system in the field of advertising space sales, I worked as a sales representative for investment fund products. The year flew by, as did the following year. When autumn arrived, the start-up grant from the employment agency expired. The money from the bank loan had been used up and the income from my two jobs did not cover my monthly expenses. The franchisor was putting pressure on me, and the bank was relentlessly collecting the monthly installments. In short, things were getting tight.
Just that summer, I had moved into a 120m² apartment with my girlfriend at the time. Although the rent was cheap, it still had to be paid. At the end of 2007, I had no idea how I was going to pay the rent or contribute my share to the grocery shopping. Of course, my girlfriend supported me, but she also noticed that my results were not what I had hoped for. At the beginning of 2008, I finally realized that I had to responsibility and acknowledge my responsibility and then make a decision. I gave up my self-employment, terminated my franchise agreement, and suddenly found myself back on the job market.
A new opportunity for security
A little later, I was sitting in an interview at an office furniture company based in the Black Forest. The sales manager and the HR manager were very enthusiastic about me. They found my resume interesting. A failed attempt at self-employment spoke to my entrepreneurial thinking and willingness to take on responsibility. They liked that. The interview went very well, and shortly after the interview, I received an offer from the sales manager.
It may sound unbelievable now, but I didn't want to. Despite my situation. I just couldn't imagine how I could successfully sell copiers in an area with virtually no industry. So I turned it down. Nevertheless, the sales manager let me know that he rarely had such a great applicant and asked if he could recommend me. He knew the owner of an advertising agency nearby who was looking for someone for sales. Would he be allowed to put me in touch? I was completely stunned and could only manage a meager "Of course you can!" That same day, I received the owner's phone number with the instruction to get in touch.
The advertising agency in question was a showcase. The interior design alone looked like something out of a Hollywood business movie. Creaky wooden floors, modern furniture, custom-made cabinets, a bright atmosphere, and great attention to detail. The agency could have been located in the trendy district of a metropolis—but it was in the middle of the Black Forest. The owner, however, was very peculiar. Eccentric, demanding, engaging. And he clearly had a status problem. In addition to the truly impressive agency, pretty much every employee who had any say drove a white Audi A5—he himself drove an R8. After 30 minutes, I had the job.
I signed up to start on April 1, 2008. A week before that, I was allowed to start a kind of trial week—and I quit during the second week.
The doubts return
On Thursday of the second week, I went to see the executive assistant, who reported to the owner. I explained that I wanted to quit during my probationary period. The job just wasn't right for me. Two hours later, she called me in for a meeting with the managing director and the owner. The managing director remained calm and objective during the conversation, but he still seemed disappointed. Less than five minutes later, the agency owner stormed in and yelled, "Who do you think you are? Do you think you can get any job you want here? If Angela Merkel herself offered you a job, you'd probably turn it down, you snobby wimp. I knew right away that you weren't up to the task. I'll guarantee you one thing. I know a lot of influential people in your area, and believe me, I'll make sure you don't get a job anywhere in the vicinity. Now pack your things and get out!"
Doubt meets certainty
He stood before me, bright red and full-sized, gesticulating wildly and breathing heavily. Looking at the other two people in the room, I realized that this situation did not seem to be an exception, but I was still deeply affected. I felt guilty and small—a feeling of powerlessness and enormous insecurity. At the same time, however, I was relieved and instinctively understood that this decision was the right one. Without another word, I got up and left the room while he continued to rant. At a volume that everyone in the other offices could hear.
I packed my things and left the room. When I opened the large wooden door at the entrance, I took a deep breath of fresh air and ran to my car. Completely distraught, I felt this great uncertainty and needed someone to talk to. When I couldn't reach either my girlfriend or my best friend, my despair reached its peak.
Strength lies in calmness
After what seemed like an endless car ride, I finally calmed down, my thoughts became clearer, and I felt better. And the more I thought about it, the more confident I felt about the choice I had made. I wondered what my girlfriend would say and whether she might question my decision, given my situation. In any case, I was certain that it was the right decision for me. Because I didn't feel comfortable in that job and at that agency.
Of course, I still had doubts, but I always came to the conclusion that I—and I alone—had to be happy with the choice I had made. After my positive experiences with my applications, it was clear to me that I would follow my own path. While my general situation made me doubt, the experience gave me confidence. As we know today, my path led me to the right place and the right job.
And you?
Have you ever had doubts but still felt an inner certainty? I hope this distinction helps you to recognize it for yourself. For me, it's always a great way to end the year: simply looking back on the past year, thinking about how often I was overcome by doubts and how I still made good decisions.
One final idea for you: Would you also like to make better decisions and be sure that you have made the right choice? Then I recommend my personal highlight: the "Stand Up" seminar in December at the beautiful Lake Tegernsee. I cordially invite you to attend. We look forward to seeing you there. May you become the best person you can be.
Yours, Jochen Hummel
