"The Kaiser spills the beans: Was the 2006 summer fairy tale bought? The Kaiser must know. Or, since he prefers to play golf rather than devote himself to business, his doppelganger Schorsch Aigner. Today at 10:45 p.m. on ARD, he'll be spilling the beans."
A very symptomatic report on an ARD broadcast, which I found in a media newsletter a few days ago. Franz Beckenbauer, a shining light of German soccer, whose image is on the decline. Volkswagen—another example. Rocked by the scandal surrounding emissions values. Do you also remember Jörg Kachelmann, Uli Hoeneß, or the media and judicial campaign surrounding Christian Wulff, which ultimately forced him to resign from the office of Federal President?
Our society is dominated by black-and-white thinking. That's why the media caters to exactly that. Top of the heap – bottom of the heap. If one of our idols fails, admiration quickly turns to malice, and adoration turns to persecution. Because our idols have to be perfect. Flawless and beyond reproach, with moral integrity in every respect. Where does this come from?
Perfectionism is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing that drives our progress, a curse that overwhelms the soul. An example: You board an airplane. You ask the pilot,"How welldoesthe jet engine work?" He replies, "80 percent." Would you fly with him? Another scenario: You apply for a job at a promising company. On the day of the interview, you meet your future boss: "What percentage of your decisions are correct?" He replies,"80 percent." Would you like to work there?
Humans and machines are different. Machines are supposed to run perfectly. Anyone who applies this "machine image" to humans is making a serious mistake. The desire for human perfection draws so much attention to shortcomings that no one can live up to this image. And because we cannot meet this standard, we project our pressure outward. That is why we seek the ideal partner, the ideal job, the ideal children, and the ideal boss. Out of fear of failure, we do not ask ourselves whether we are that person. The longed-for perfection paralyzes us because it is unattainable.
And our "role models"? They try to live up to our expectations so that we will admire them. Although they are not saints themselves, they play the part of the ideal. That's the deal: satisfy my longing and I will idolize you! When the dark side of these superhumans is revealed, we are disappointed and full of accusation. Moralist Michel Friedmann, for example, celebrated highly immoral parties with a red-light character. Mr. Clean Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg very uncleanly embellished his doctoral thesis. Chief prosecutor Uli Hoeneß became the chief defendant. Celebrities and lesser-known people alike break under this pressure. The tragic thing about it is that we stone our fallen heroes and don't realize that we are punishing them for our own shortcomings.
What is the solution? We turn things around. Previously, the motto was: "I have ideals, but others should fulfill them."Here, idealism becomes a horror show. And now the motto is: "I recognize who I am and where I stand, and I strive toward an ideal."Here, idealism becomes a "smart motivator." In the first case, I work more on others; now I work more on myself. Until now, I concentrated on deficits; from now on, I concentrate on what is there. That is the key: take what is real and make more of it! That was and always has been the more healing path. Easy to know, difficult to live. Because it's not about intellectual "knowing," but about emotional "ability."
People seem to crave perfection so much that they simply attribute it to others, ignoring the fact that it is only an illusion. The mirror principle strikes again! When they then realize that their role models are not so perfect after all, they turn on them.
If you want to grow, you need role models. Call them advisors, teachers, or mentors, if you like. Choose carefully what you learn from whom—it's your responsibility. Don't "buy" everything from one person. Pick out the best bits. And don't forget: nobody is perfect. You can only learn greatness from the truly great. And even a janitor can be great – for example, because he has particular integrity. But you can only find that out if you treat everyone with respect.
Find role models you can learn from—not superheroes you put on a pedestal, worship, and then abandon when they stumble. The message is clear and simple: empower yourself and others! "Empower," not "perfect"! For the benefit of all.
