The perfect morning meeting: Everyone is well prepared and punctual. Not just physically present, but mentally engaged. Everyone knows their role and responsibilities. Concentration and anticipation fill the room. When conflicts arise, clear arguments prevail. There is little vain chatter. Everyone serves the greater goal. Strong personalities accept criticism without resentment. Everyone acknowledges convincing suggestions from others. Vanity, excuses, and self-promotion play no role.
A dream? Like Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech? Yes, because you are surely familiar with meetings with opposing dynamics. Emotionally inflated excuses drive away the struggle for powerful ideas. The individual motive of dogmatism dominates the group motive of finding the best solution. Ultimately, there is more apathy and denial of responsibility in the room than inspiration and optimism for the future. Don't worry. Many people share this trauma. But why does it still happen so often?
Meeting cultures often reflect corporate cultures
"That's just how people are," I hear people say with resignation in leadership seminars: "There's nothing you can do about it." This shrug of the shoulders is quite drastic in view of the waste of time, energy, and money. I disagree. There is a bridge between the two extremes. If you understand what motives turn a meeting into a monkey meeting, you can eliminate them. Yes, even transform them.
Meeting cultures often reflect corporate cultures. Consider the individuals who shout, beat their chests, and bare their teeth: dominance through aggression. Or others who smugly stir up discord with their know-it-all remarks. They are particularly effective when things have gone wrong. "If only someone had asked me," is their favorite self-congratulatory refrain. These and many other paralyzing behaviors stem from a common source: low self-esteem.
Six pillars of self-esteem
Ideally, the value I place on myself is stable and based on a healthy assessment of my own capabilities and limitations. Those who know and recognize their true worth can think beyond themselves and serve a greater purpose. Without fear of falling by the wayside. Even harsh criticism is then no longer a test of self-worth. That is why Nathaniel Branden called self-esteem "the immune system of consciousness" and described six pillars on which it is based:
- live consciously
- accept yourself
- live independently
- assert oneself confidently
- live purposefully
- possess personal integrity
Logically plausible, but certainly anything but easy to live by. People who have not developed these pillars sufficiently compensate for this inner deficiency in many ways. Dominance can be beneficial or detrimental. If dominance becomes compulsive, feelings of inferiority certainly play a role. This also applies to activity (actionism), passivity (avoidance behavior), or excessive ambition. Those who enjoy the failure of others feel temporarily superior to those who have failed. Now you know the reason. They are compensating for their perceived inferiority.
Ask yourself: When and what do I compensate for?
By now, it should be clear that we all occasionally fall into this self-esteem trap. Before you start exposing other people's compensation mechanisms, why not start with yourself? Yes, it's more difficult. But at the same time, it's much more effective than scrutinizing others. Incidentally, this is a typical coach's disease: working on other people's shortcomings that plague you yourself. Act more wisely. In quiet moments, ask yourself: When do I compensate with which behavior? And what am I compensating for? How can I free myself from this? Then enjoy your increasing self-esteem and the growing positive effect on others. What a liberating gift.
That's why you're not really happy.
Why success and fulfillment have nothing to do with each other.
Image source: © joemurphy Pixabay
