We are at the playground. Mrs. Right is arguing heatedly with Mrs. Wrong.
Ms. Recht says, "Today's parenting is no longer parenting. Mothers simply let their children do whatever they want without setting any boundaries. As a result, children lose respect for adults and do whatever they want."
Ms. Unrecht disagrees: "You're talking nonsense. With today's modern education, our children are becoming stronger, more independent, and have much more self-confidence than we did back then."
Ms. Recht: "That has nothing to do with self-confidence, but with disrespect."
Ms. Unrecht:"Now, please stop. I work in social services, and I know exactly what I'm talking about... "
Dear readers, do such conversations sound familiar to you? Would you like to know how you can approach such discussions differently? Then I have the following suggestion for you: "Understanding does not mean agreeing."
What does "understanding others" actually mean?
To take the first step in this direction, you must first ask yourself: Do you even WANT to understand the other person? Because that is an absolute prerequisite for further effective communication. If you are willing to do so, the next step is to change perspectives. This means leaving your own point of view and taking on the point of view of your counterpart. I know this is often easier said than done.
In our story about raising children, this would mean, for example, that Ms. Wrong would first let go of her point of view and take on Ms. Right's perspective. In this way, Ms. Wrong would gain a different perspective. Only such a change of perspective can enable her to better understand why the other person thinks the way she does. This does not mean that Ms. Wrong has to agree with this way of thinking.
Change your perspective!
Let's take it a step further. Let's assume that you, as a woman who is right (modern upbringing), have now taken on the perspective of the woman who is wrong (conservative upbringing). What you can now see from there makes no sense to you. So you disagree. What do you do? You stick to your own point of view, right? That's fine too. But what has changed now? You have gained an impression of WHY Ms. Wrong cannot accept modern education in this way. Changing perspectives is therefore about understanding the thinking of others and learning to accept other points of view.
Are you thinking, "That's all old news!"? Then ask yourself this question:
- How well am I able to change perspectives in emotionally charged situations?
or:
- How often do I want to be right in conversations?
You have probably experienced the opposite situation before: others insisting that they are right. How did that make you feel, and how did you react?
Such discussions usually end in limbo because both parties insist on their rights. In the end, the person who had more stamina emerges victorious from the discussion. But what impression do you leave when you are only concerned with being right or proving others wrong?
Everyone wants to be understood – Changing sides requires courage
Everyone wants to be understood. But that is precisely what we find difficult in communication. Why do people insist on sticking to their opinions? Quite simply, it is the path of least resistance. Because changing sides requires courage and self-confidence. Courage to engage with the opinions of others and the confidence to leave your own point of view, i.e., your familiar environment.
Every person's view develops from their experiences and the conclusions they draw from them. That is why it is the truth for that person. Just as there is your truth. Thus, there is neither right nor wrong. Everyone is right from their own point of view.
I would now like to invite you to take part in a thought experiment.
Imagine: What impact would it have on leadership, let alone on the world, if there were more people who could change their perspective even in emotionally charged situations? "Why does that person think that way, and why did they develop that point of view?" What would change if there were more leaders who could show understanding for others even under stress?
If you could achieve this, dear readers, you would be helping to lay the foundations for better understanding and healthier coexistence. So ask yourself: what is more important to you, looking good or making an impact?
If you would like to learn more about this, I recommend one of our management training courses.
Now I wish you much joy and success in communicating with other people as you take on this challenge.
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