All over the world, there are things lurking that wear us down. Everything is full of potential annoyances and insults: a boss who takes out his bad mood on us, a driver who cuts us off, a partner who has once again done something we don't want them to do, a friend who constantly interrupts us, negative feedback on our results, embarrassment, being stood up at the last minute... The list is long.
Even if we wish it were otherwise, we know deep down that we cannot change others. We can only change ourselves and our perspective on things. We can stop being offended and taking things personally. We can start to value ourselves more (see also The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem). I would like to introduce you to three exercises that will help you let go and accept things .
1. Gain distance
If you take a lollipop away from a toddler, they will scream, cry, and not understand what is going on. For the toddler, their lollipop is their whole world, and at that very moment, their world is falling apart.
If you take a lollipop away from an adult, they will still be able to cope, ask for another one, or simply buy a new one. In most cases, adults can recognize the relationship between a lollipop and the rest of their world. They have the necessary distance.
Let’s be honest: Many of our problems are really just minor annoyances. It’s only when we attach importance to them that we turn them into a“big deal.”It’s like a knife: I can use it to stab someone or to spread butter on bread. It’s up to me. The knife is neutral. The same goes for the small and big things that affect us. We’re the ones who judge them—not the other way around.
If it rains into a barrel long enough, it will eventually overflow. But the barrel cannot enlarge itself to hold more. We can. When we overflow, it has been dripping in for a long time, and we have allowed it. When we are annoyed or offended, we have allowed it ourselves. We can also stop doing this at any time.
If we take a neutral perspective and observe ourselves from above, we gain distance. The image of ourselves suddenly becomes clear: in the context of our entire life, the problem appears like a small tributary of a river that has been flowing for a very long time. Sooner or later, it will pass. We decide whether to go down or not.
How often do you travel on river branches that are not worth it? And how often do you get unnecessarily upset about it?
2. Endure things
We all have an inner vessel that is filled and sometimes emptied every day. If the balance is upset and too much flows in, it will eventually overflow.
This vessel is our inner freedom and ability to endure things. The smaller it is, the more difficult it is. However, each of us has a different vessel volume: from a small water glass to an inner swimming pool.
When someone gives you feedback, upsets you, or insults you (or you feel insulted), it's up to you whether you take a step back or stand your ground and accept it.
You can ask yourself: "Do I want to accept it? Do I want to put up with it or not? Does the other person want to keep me down or do they want to help me move forward?" This gives you freedom between the other person's stimulus and your own reaction. The freedom to choose.
This is a great exercise, especially when you receive negative feedback: try to simply understand it without judging it. Then decide whether you want to accept it and endure it or not. And if you do endure it, do so consciously, so that your inner glass slowly but surely grows into a swimming pool and you gain freedom. You learn to understand without having to agree.
3. Park things and let go
A freight train to which an additional car is attached is slowed down by it: the heavier the car, the stronger the braking effect. If everything becomes too much for you at a certain point, ask yourself: What is too much? What do I want to let go of? What is slowing me down in particular? What do I want to consciously endure and tolerate?
Thereis a saying:"Where I am, that's where I want to be. Anything else is too expensive for me."Here's an example:
An employee has a boss he doesn't like. He loves his job and the company. It's just his boss who is a thorn in his side. Every week, the two have a meeting. The employee now has three options: First, he can consciously decide every day to accept the situation as it is. He can endure it and train his inner swimming pool. Second, he can ask himself, "What can I change about the situation?" Or, third, he can consciously decide against it. Love it, change it, or leave it.
None of these decisions is right or wrong per se. It is up to you to decide which one is best for you. You assign value to things as you see fit. What matters is not what you decide, but that you do so consciously—including the consequences. And that you develop an awareness that you can decide for or against it every day anew.
It's not about cursing the train car. Because then it becomes heavier. It's about accepting it and putting it aside. On another track in your inner station.
Which of the wagons you pull along day after day are you willing to accept and endure? Which ones do you want to park, and which ones do you want to let go?
If you trulywant to delve deeply into the topic of letting go, then take advantage of the “Human Transformation” module in our online learning platform. You’ll receive clear, step-by-step guidance on how to elevate your personal integrity to the next level and significantly enhance your impact. Provided you consistently work through this module, we guarantee you’ll achieve a personal breakthrough in this area. (Simply click the button to access exclusive video content and practical workbooks.)
