The three pillars of leadership – developing a different awareness of leadership

The other day, we had the following conversation with a participant after a seminar. Let's call him Mr. Mustermann:

Mr. Mustermann: "I personally found the seminar exciting and insightful. However, I haven't been able to implement much of it in the meantime. You have to understand that I only have two direct employees. That means I don't have many opportunities to put what I've learned into practice. The two of them have also been with the company for a long time and hardly need any guidance anymore..." Assuming you had been in our position, how would you have continued the conversation? We decided on the following option:

Excerpt from a conversation – "What does leadership actually mean?"

GLI: "Mr. Mustermann, may I disagree?"

Mr. Mustermann: "Yes, of course."

GLI: "What does leadership mean to you?"

Mr. Mustermann: "Yes, well... For me, leadership means that I have direct reports who work under me and whom I have to lead. So that we can achieve our departmental goals."

GLI: "Ah, I see. What else?"

Mr. Mustermann: "Um, ... what do you mean? For me, that's what good leadership is all about."

GLI: "Mr. Mustermann, do you remember the model 'The Three Pillars of Leadership'?"

Mr. Mustermann: "No, not directly anymore. What was that again?"

GLI: "Look, in our view, leadership consists of three pillars. The first pillar is: How do I lead myself? If you are in a meeting and your mind wanders, you have to lead yourself to bring yourself back to the present. If you want to improve your professional skills, you have to develop your strengths and your concentration. If you have a difficult conversation, at home or with your employee, you have to lead yourself in such a way that your emotions do not influence your decisions to such an extent that you regret it afterwards. You have to set yourself goals, strengthen your self-confidence, and sometimes put up with things you cannot change. So you see – even if you never directly lead employees in a hierarchical structure, there is one person you always have to lead: yourself."

Mr. Mustermann: "Hmm, ... I agree with you. When I think about it, the origin of everything always lies with me first ..."

GLI: "Right. Do you have children?"

Mr. Mustermann: "Yes, a son aged 15 and a daughter aged 11."

GLI: "Do you know what really gets on our nerves? We haven't learned how to systematically manage ourselves in any of our training programs. But we need this skill in every profession. Whether you're a bricklayer, lawyer, educator, engineer, doctor, nurse... Do you know anyone who doesn't have to set goals for themselves in their life, consciously or unconsciously? Who doesn't have to motivate themselves? Or who isn't confronted with fears? Who doesn't experience crises from time to time? Who doesn't have to trust others? Who doesn't have to use their strengths? Who doesn't have to focus on one thing? Who doesn't have to overcome setbacks? And this list goes on and on..."

Mr. Mustermann: "I agree with you. I also believe that if we dealt with these issues more professionally, we would not have some of the problems that we can only correct later in our professional lives with considerably more effort. Keyword: difficult employees!"

GLI: "The next pillar is: How do I conduct conversations? Mr. Mustermann, are you married?"

Mr. Mustermann: "Yes, happily married for twelve years!"

GLI: "Mr. Mustermann, then you know best that you should let yourself be guided from time to time in conversations..."

Mr. Mustermann laughs and says, "Well, I've never thought of it that way..."

GLI: "Joking aside, it is of course also important to conduct professional conversations more consciously. Trust is a key factor here in particular. Whenever two people meet for the first time, a pattern of interaction develops. A reciprocal relationship emerges: those who lead are also always led. If you change something about this pattern, something will change in your counterpart. And vice versa, of course. That's why it's so effective to start with pillar 1, i.e., yourself, before trying to change other people.

Conducting conversations more consciously also plays a role when you receive a new target. The question then is, how well can you commit to the target? This has a lot to do with how well you can make a target your own. If you are involved in a project and one of your employees has more expertise in this area, then you should allow yourself to be influenced by them in this context. This only works with good communication. What often stands in our way here is our ego. It would be nice if we could manage it better and give priority to competence more often. Some people also call this state of mind "team spirit"...

Mr. Mustermann: "That sounds exciting. I wasn't aware of how important trust is in this regard. To be completely honest, I often don't really listen when someone says something to me. Especially if it's not my direct supervisor. My wife excluded, of course..."

GLI: "That's understandable. This approach used to be very effective. And it still is today – but now there are additional areas where it is not only ineffective, but even counterproductive, for example in agile, autonomous structures. The third and final pillar is now: How do I lead others?"

Mr. Mustermann: "Yes, exactly, that's what I meant earlier. How do I manage my direct reports?"

GLI: "Not only that. We would add to your statement: If you have subordinates, you should also lead them. When you are on a business trip and check into a hotel, lead the receptionist. If you have to implement cross-departmental projects, lead your colleagues from other departments who are not directly subordinate to you. When you advise a customer, lead them too. And from time to time, lead your direct supervisor as well. So you lead in all directions, if you will. The only question is how you do it."

Mr. Mustermann: "I've never thought about it that way! I'm always leading! Privately or professionally..."

GLI: "Which pillar do you think offers you the greatest benefit at the moment when you engage with it? Where do you currently see the greatest leverage?"

Mr. Mustermann: "At first, I thought, let's see what tricks or tips the course can teach me. After all, you always learn something new. And to be honest, I wasn't exactly unbiased about the phone call. After all, I've been a team leader for almost 20 years now. What new things could there possibly be to learn?"

GLI: "And what's the difference now?"

Mr. Mustermann: "I now think about myself in a completely different way. If you had asked me earlier, I would have clearly named pillar 3 – How do I lead others – as my greatest lever. Now I tend to think that I can achieve more by reflecting carefully on how I lead myself. I haven't consciously thought about what is really important to me personally for years. Everything just happened, you know? First the job, then the career, building a house on the side and raising two children. That often doesn't leave much time for such things."

GLI: "That's interesting! May we offer you another idea, Mr. Mustermann?"

Mr. Mustermann: "Yes, of course!"

GLI: "Look,'The Three Pillars of Leadership'are just a model to begin with. But by thinking aboutthem, you differentiate your understanding of leadership. In other words, you increase your awareness of this topic because you now know more distinctions. Our goal with everything we do is for you to reflect and decide for yourself what your next step is or what you want to change from now on."