...if he had found the love of his life, if she had studied, you would be living in New York today. And if I hadn't jumped off the cliff back then, I would still be able to walk today!
Many people believe that changing an experience in their past would significantly improve their present life. What do you think about this idea? What's done is done. Thinking otherwise won't get you anywhere, it will only encourage self-pity.
"What if..." is just one of many excuses that prevent us from becoming the people we can be.
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How an excuse becomes a lifelong lie
Imagine you are at your 30-year high school reunion. Thirty years after graduating together and dreaming big, you meet your old classmates again. Over dinner, the conversation turns to "back then." Your former classmates talk about what they dreamed of and how various events prevented them from achieving their dreams. The woman next to you says, "Because I got pregnant at 19, I couldn't go to college and now I have to work at the supermarket checkout." The man next to her nods in agreement: "If my father hadn't died back then, I wouldn't have had to take care of my mother and could be working in Shanghai today."
And because many people talk this way, it quickly becomes believed that this is simply how things are. A lifelong lie emerges. But it can just as easily be thought about and interpreted differently. A woman who became pregnant at a young age could also say: "Because I became pregnant early, I had to learn to set clear priorities early on. That's exactly why I'm a senior executive today." And the son could say, "Because my father died so early, I had responsibility learn responsibility take responsibility early on. That's why I'm so good at delegating and a successful entrepreneur today." And another says, "Because I am 90% paralyzed, I hardly had a chance. And that's exactly what I had to take advantage of."
Imagine sitting at the table at your high school reunion and saying, "How do you know what would have happened? If I hadn't made all my mistakes and experienced those major setbacks, I would have taken the easy route and I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be sitting at this table telling you that I'm happy with my life. I am a person who has gone through many ups and downs and is now here—we can't undo the past. But we can learn from it and look ahead. Wasting our thoughts on self-pity about what we've missed out on doesn't do us any good. Let's look ahead instead." This usually causes silence at the table. I've experienced this often enough myself.
A person who can say something like this has recognized their own excuses and therefore also recognizes the excuses of others. Many people use them without realizing what they are actually doing and believe in their truth. This is how an excuse becomes a lifelong lie.
What others say doesn't matter!
But how can you recognize your own excuses and transform them into strong results? See things as they are, acknowledge them. Focus on what is there and make more of it. Don't be guided by beautiful pipe dreams or things you can't influence. You can always give every experience its own meaning. Don't listen to what others say. The next time someone tells you that something could be different today, ask them straight out: "How do you know that?"
It's not about who has the best conditions for achieving their goals, but about who makes the most of them. Would better conditions help you? Maybe. But there's no point in dwelling on that. You should carve your life with the wood you have. Whatever happens to us in life, we can always give our own meaning to our experiences.
When someone asks me how my life would have turned out if I hadn't jumped off the cliff, I answer, "I don't know, and I don't care, because I jumped."
You have to decide for yourself how you reflect on your life and interpret your experiences—you can react to obstacles with frustration or let them motivate you even more. The choice is yours. If you recognize your excuses and transform them into great results, you will have taken a huge step forward in your personal development. You will continue to grow and take on new challenges, becoming the best person you can be. Take courage! It's worth it.
you
Boris Grundl
P.S.: Do you want to recognize your excuses and overcome them for good? I will give you the tools you need to live a freer and more self-determined life. Interested? Read my new book "Get up! The end of all excuses."
Image by Gerd Altmann on Pixabay
