Stefan and Marianne have been wanting to spend a nice evening together at their favorite restaurant for a long time. They have even taken the children to Marianne's mother's house for this purpose. They are really looking forward to the evening and want to dress up. However, Stefan can't find his shoes. "Marianne, have you seen my shoes anywhere?Instead of the help he had hoped for, he receives a harsh response: "Look after your own things. I'm not your mother!Completely taken aback that his harmless question has caused Marianne so much anger, he feels he has been treated unfairly. He is furious.

The evening is ruined... What happened?

Does Marianne feel under time pressure to get ready on time because of the table reservation? Or does Stefan often misplace things, which annoys Marianne? Did Marianne's mother perhaps reproach her when she dropped off the children, saying that she doesn't take enough care of her offspring? You may be familiar with situations like these—whether in your private life or when working with colleagues, employees, and superiors: there is a stimulus (in this case, Stefan's question) that is followed by an automatic reaction. This reaction is sometimes more effective and sometimes less effective in the situation. How you personally react to such situations depends heavily on your acquired stimulus-response patterns. When a stimulus encounters a person, in addition to conscious evaluation in the cerebral cortex, there is spontaneous amygdala arousal in the brain. This arouses emotions without the involvement of conscious thought and judgment and is strongly influenced by your personal core beliefs, such as values and value conflicts. A stimulus that is perceived as unpleasant ("red buttons") is often followed by a lightning-fast reaction, which can have negative consequences. [homeoffice]

Use freedom between stimulus and response

Founder of logotherapy ("logos" = meaning) Viktor Frankl was convinced that even in seemingly hopeless situations, there is always a way to break through one's own stimulus-response patterns and shape one's own life:

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

However, this idea seems to be older than that. It can be traced back to the Persian mystic Rumi, who lived in the 13th century:

"There is a space between stimulus and response: only there can we meet. There is a space between stimulus and response: only there can healing and growth take place. There is a place between right and wrong. That is where we will meet."

Taking responsibility yourself means gaining freedom between stimulus and response. If you manage to "pause" after a stimulus, you can determine your behavior and free yourself from automatic stimulus-response mechanisms. This allows you to consciously choose from a variety of different responses from your behavioral repertoire.

How can you put this into practice?

• Accept that you usually cannot change the stimulus itself, only your reaction to it.
• Be aware that there is freedom between an external stimulus and an internal reaction. This allows you to consciously choose a different reaction.
• Think about situations in which you react ineffectively (e.g., angrily/anxiously/disinterestedly) to a particular stimulus.
• Ask yourself when the next situation of this kind is likely to occur.
• If you find yourself in such a situation again, pause for a moment. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: "Ah, here's the stimulus, how do I want to respond to it?"

As you can see, the much-praised spontaneity is not always the best choice! Which stimulus-response pattern would you like to break? We would be happy to support you here in our Executive training and coaching sessions. We look forward to hearing about your experiences. Your team at the Grundl Leadership Institute [homeoffice]